Beat those post-wedding blues

After months of careful planning your big day is over; so how do you make sure you don’t start married life on a downer? The experts reveal how to prolong the honeymoon feeling and fill the wedding void. By Sam Wylie-Harris

For some couples it can be as easy as saying “I Do.” But according to relationship experts, one spouse in ten experiences PND (post-nuptial depression).
If you’re struggling in the new roles of husband and wife and you’ve crashed to earth with a bang, it may be time to check into the ‘Wedding Clinic.’
Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall says: “For some couples, the anticlimax of married life is so severe it develops into what is known as post-nuptial depression. This increasingly common condition can continue for months, leaving sufferers feeling disillusioned, confused and even questioning if getting married was a mistake.
“When so much as been invested in the wedding, it’s no wonder so many people experience such a comedown. Many couples have huge debts to contend with in the early years of marriage, and dreams of buying things for their home, evenings out or weekends away are often a financial impossibility.”
Hall, who also writes for the BBC website on relationships, adds: “By far the biggest investment in a wedding is the emotional one. On top of the hopes and expectations of marriage itself and the occasional niggling doubts, there are the dreams of the big day itself. Bridal magazines promote fantasies that rival any fairy tale.
“There’s also the joy and anxiety of bringing friends and families together in one place. So it’s no wonder that after the wedding itself is over, many couples feel flat and empty. The emotional roller coaster is at the end of the line and it’s time to get off and get on with the rest of life.”
Christine Northam, a counsellor for Relate, says: “Post wedding blues or any kind of depression is very often associated with a sense of loss. Whenever there’s a change in our lives there’s a sense of sadness whilst we go through the re-adjustment.
“The first strand is the loss of you as an independent person. The second strand is that it’s been a real focus of your life and now you’ve lost that – the preparation, the anticipation and the excitement all built around the wedding. And the third is the total emotional exhaustion, quite frankly.
“Its a big whirlwind time and your parents have had to ‘let you go’ in a way. There are so many changes associated with marriage and I don’t think we talk about them very much.”
Northam suggests that anyone considering tying the knot for the first time should read Before You Say “I Do” by Elizabeth Martyn.
“It’s a really good book that challenges you to think about what you’re doing and the commitment involved. You, as a person, may know you should be addressing all these issues before you even start the wedding preparations, but the truth is many people don’t.
“They just get caught up in romantic thoughts of marriage and very often don’t actually talk about what they need to be talking about.”
So how can newlyweds ditch the doom and gloom? Alex Atkinson, Women’s Lifestyle expert at iVillage.co.uk gives her advice: “Without quality time, your relationship will not survive.
“Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together doing something you enjoy. Make a regular ‘date night’ and shake things up by learning something new together, whether that’s wine tasting or roller blading.
“Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.
“Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him or your life in general, ask yourself why.”
Maia Morris, of You & Your Wedding magazine says, “Most brides have a touch of post wedding blues, I know I did!
“After thinking about it for so long and after about a year and a half in the planning, it’s quite normal.
“But hopefully it shouldn’t last for too long and the feeling does pass.”

Maia’s Gloom-busting Tips